(Author’s Name Withheld By Request*)
Chiropractors love to tell people that “Chiropractic works!” At my chiropractic school I often hear chiropractors say that medical doctors should behave more like chiropractors. Being a creative person,
I have written an “advertisement” embodying these two themes.
ASPIRIN WORK!!
I. M. Fictitious, M.D.
Board Certified Aspirinologist
As founder of the Institute for Aspirin Studies I am here to educate the public on the great benefits that aspirin can have for many diseases that plague mankind. Did you know that almost every disease is directly involved with inflammation? Did you also know that aspirin works to centrally inhibit inflammation? As a doctor I have chosen to investigate and specialize in the use of aspirin for the control and prevention of all disease processes involved with inflammation.
Most medical doctors spend their careers learning a wide variety of therapies and drug techniques, only to fail at critical moments and cause hundreds of thousands of deaths each year. I have spent my entire career in the development of dosage techniques only available through the Institute of Aspirin Studies. The doctors at the Institute have dedicated their lives to using aspirin and aspirin-only therapies to improve the lives of all patients.
Lupus, arthritis, Crohn’s disease, multiple sclerosis, viral infections, and more are all mediated by the activation of the damaging inflammatory process. When these processes are allowed to get out of control, severe and chronic disease often develop. Medical science has known about the effects aspirin can have on inflammation for generations. In order to prevent the development and advance of inflammatory diseases the Institute for Aspirin Studies has determined that a daily dose of aspirin is required to inhibit the very enzymes that cause inflammation.
It has long been known that inflammation affects people of all ages, from children to adults. Due to the broad and uncontrolled presence of inflammation in all people the Institute for Aspirin Studies recommends people from birth to death be evaluated for processes of inflammation. Once our blood tests have detected the presence of leukotrienes, prostaglandins, or other inflammation products our doctors will prescribe a daily dosage specific to our patient’s needs.
Why wait for a headache to start? Under constant aspirin care you may never develop the prostaglandins that cause painful stimulus. Why wait for your child to suffer needlessly from teething problems when a daily aspirin coat will kill the pain and inflammation on contact. Don’t ignore the early signs of inflammation, get checked today. |
If the above “ad” seems ridiculous, it should. Most chiropractic schools are promoting a educational paradigm based on a physiological condition that does not exist in any definable, plausible or pathological state. This phenomenon is called “vertebral subluxation complex.” While many chiropractors advocate this as a real thing, it is based on a philosophical assumption that has no anatomic basis.
Please do not use this fictional essay as a spring board to attack chiropractors as a whole, because some are responsible and have dedicated their careers to physical medicine in a responsible manner. As for me, I hope to transfer to a science-based master’s degree program and then apply to medical or osteopathic school.
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*The author is a chiropractic student who wishes to remain anonymous until he can remedy the terrible error he made in going to a subluxation-based chiropractic college.
This article was posted on September, 2004.
